day two.

I've been sitting here in the dark for the past 3 or so hours......hoping I might get a small chance to talk to him.....but all i've gotten so far is just an IM from an old girlfriend on SL, the girl I met at the hospital....we began talking after she asked me if I knew how to deliver her baby. We only talked for about 5 minutes, until she signed off.

I'm pretty close to giving up now. It's already 10:36 PM where I'm at...and I've got some homework to catch up on. It doesn't really help that my real life boyfriend and I are having problems right now, either.

I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do. I'm sitting here on this couch, curled up....remembering all the memories that reside in this very bedroom. I'm not even sure what to do...I'm sure that I'm not allowed to live here, anymore. My rug and furniture are still here....but I have yet to find that little piece of my heart that fell out when I saw his profile.

I guess I'm still sitting on this couch because I have nowhere else to go. I have no home, nobody else to go to. So I'm kind of alone. I might just have to accept the fact that he's not coming back tonight. I'm mostly scared that he will sign on again, and see that I've found his profile, and just ignore me and never talk to me again. That's my biggest fear at the moment.

But, I guess I won't really know until I talk to him again.
I really miss him.....so much. And still love him. and just wish all this would go the hell away.

Even retail therapy couldn't help me today. I found the cutest pair of shoes today, but it was no use in even getting excited about them. I know that getting them would never make me feel better.....so why even try?

As for now.....I guess......goodnight. There's not much else to say.